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4 Years Ago On This Day March 17

May 1, 2006

March 17 2004 Manie was eight days old and having open heart surgery. For everyone else it is just another day well actually it is St. Patty’s Day. For me this day has another meaning now. It is a day to remember how far Manie has come and how much he has had to go through to get here.

When I think back to that day my heart beats just a little faster. I think about seeing my baby being wheeled into the operating room. I think about the twelve hr. wait and about how that whole time I had to stop my mind from wandering into a place of what ifs and imagining what Manie looked like laying there with his chest cut open. I had to stop myself from questioning how the doctor was going to fix something so small and delicate. I had to let go and let God take care of it.

Finally after the twelve long hrs. of waiting and wondering I saw my baby being wheeled out of the operating room. My heart sank as I saw even more tubes and wires coming from his body. Four large drain tubes protruded from his tiny chest along with a pace maker. From the bottom of his little neck down to the top of his belly button there was a piece of tape where the doctor had stitched Manie back together. Manie’s little body had already started to swell. Thousands of thoughts seemed to rush through my mind all at the same time. I just wanted to pick Manie up and wish all of his pain away.

The doctor came out and talked with us and told us that everything went fine. I knew it was a lie because an operation that was only suppose to take six hrs took twelve. I did not care I just wanted to be by Manie and never take my eyes off of him again. The strange part about it is that my baby was laying there looking like hell and I was grateful. I prayed to God and I thanked him that Manie was strong and he was still with me.

I could never make anyone understand the feelings that I felt on that day and I would not want too. As the tears stream down my face as I write this I know is this just another day for those at GlaxoSmithKline? Here is a message for you guys at GSK who like to read my blog…

Remember this day March 17 because this is a day I celebrate that my child was strong enough to live, but this is a day when you should hang your head in shame. On this day March 17 you forced Manie to be strong and experience hell just to live. Something that was rightfully his was taken and you made him fight to get it back.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    March 21, 2008 12:25 am

    The day Manie was born and the day he had heart surgery will forever be etched in your memory, but thank God all the wonderful memories you have are etched in your heart as are the memories you still have to look forward to.You and Manie are the strongest people I know.Justice will be served and GSK will be punished for the pain they have caused you,Manie, and all the other babies they have harmed.Love you all! Cindy

  2. Anonymous permalink
    April 19, 2008 4:42 pm

    Heya, i have read your blog i bet that was a scary thing to go through 2 operations bless! im glad he is alright now & you all can live your normal lives, he is so brave. I was born with a hole in the heart but no one noticed it until i had a check up at school once, i then went to the doctors & they said i couldn’t have the operation until i was a bit older so i had to wait until i was about 6-7years old, i remember i didn’t have the engery to do things i was always ill, when i had the operation it was good that i survived because if it wasn’t for the school nurse i properly wouldn’t be here today, i had a check up a couple of years ago & my heart is back to normal i now have a normal adult heart which i was relieved about. I now also have a scar down my chest & your Manie should be pleased with his scar like i am, i look at it as my life saving scar! & your manie is so brave! just thought i’d message you, & your all so brave!!!

  3. Julie permalink
    April 19, 2008 5:03 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is not easy talking about going through something like that. You are proud of what you have gone through and you that you survived and you should be.Manie will have to deal with surgeries and heart problems all of his life, but we are very thankful that he is able to do what he can do. Manie is here and I thank God for that everyday. Thanks for the comment,Julie

  4. Anonymous permalink
    April 22, 2008 5:16 pm

    I have been all over the web trying to find other mothers or fathers that I can relate to. By far my son has not been through so much. My heart goes out to you.I was on Paxil while I was pregnant with my son. He had a closed valve at the bottom of his stomach at three weeks (Pyloric Stenosis). And he had a hernia at six months with fluid down to his knees. It looked like he had lyposuction when they were done. By far the hardest is that he has “Autistic-like” symptoms. As he gets older they seem to get worse. However, it’s more like bad wiring where he wants to come out and can’t. He fights his hands to use a crayon or fork. He has tremors, especially when he tries to use fine motor skills. He has to think about what he wants to say or it comes out like gibberish. He’s four.He had a hole in his heart, but it resolved by six months. He’s going in for an MRI this month. He doesn’t qualify for special ed, but he doesn’t fit with normal kids. He’s really smart, but needs help.His sister is 13 months younger. She had a hole in her heart and had colic so long that we didn’t know when it ended. By two she was in anger classes because she was so violent. My son has scars on his face from her attacks. She’s getting better (she’s 3 this month), but just this weekend she hit my son hard enough to split his lip open about an inch and a trip to the ER.Paxil is wicked stuff. I nearly killed myself with post-pardom. I didn’t know I was pregnant with my daughter, but as soon as I found out I quit taking it that day. But she too had Pyloric Stenosis. The odds of two children in the same family, especially the second being female, are off the charts for that.My son has been getting worse with anxiety. The more anxiety he has, the worse his short circuit gets. He’s been chewing his nails for six months. Now, he chews the pads of his fingers til they bleed. I had five doctors and I don’t know how many nurses tell me that taking Paxil was better for my baby than not taking it (since I kept refusing). I wasn’t depressed. I was almost miscarrying and they wanted me to be stress-less as possible. I furious, ashamed, sad, and ready to spit fire!

  5. Julie permalink
    April 22, 2008 6:50 pm

    I feel for what you are going through. I know it is hard to deal with, but you have someone to relate too now. Your not alone.The anger that one can feel can never be explained or taken away. This anger at times can burn through your soul like the intensity of a thousand burning suns. We do what mothers do and deal with it.These are our children and we love them. We are forced to watch as their lives are at times unbearable for them. We live with the fact that we took a pill that caused it. But we deal with it because we are mothers.If you have not already make sure to contact a lawyer about taking paxil while pregnant. You only have a short time frame to file a case. I hope the best for you and your children. It is a tough road, but your not alone. I understand the unexplainable feelings you feel. If you need to you can email me at

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